A quick update!

Hi everyone! 💕 I hope you’re having a good day so far (or night depending on the time, in which case: go to sleep! 🙌 It may be too soon in the post for RHONY references but oh well 🤣). Today’s post is a sort of go-between where I’m just popping on to talk about some health stuff and to say that I’ll be sharing my May bullet journal spread soon! (“Popping” is also kinda a hint for the theme of it too 😏). I just need to finish the post for it but I’m not feeling up to that right now with taking photos and wanting to enjoy myself throughout.

Chronic pain is sheer hell and can get to be overwhelming when it’s just there day in, day out. I don’t wish to go into major detail about conditions or even what would be perceived as simply giving titles because that’s big in itself. It’s an intense uphill battle and I’m feeling a host of emotions. There’s so much I want to do but it’s just not possible. Although for the most part I can be pretty positive because I’m surrounded by support and love that I appreciate to no end, it can hit heavy when you know things take time, that rehabilitation is HARD and that even then it’s unknown what my limitations will be. I suppose anything’s better than now. At one point I didn’t think there could be help and now I’m getting it I want results now which isn’t the best mindset to find yourself in 😂. It’s difficult finally knowing what’s going on inside your body and that there’s no changing some of it and that what helps causes more pain on the way. I’ve heard experiences that are similar to my own and have found consolation in them and then other times I’ll shut down as it’ll make it feel to real.

Its weird when you’ve got a name for the pain you’re in and you would’ve thought you’d no longer feel so much like the odd one out because other people have it too but when it stretches out and you realize the severity of things and it goes on and on you start to question what you used to think would make you feel better. My mind is just packed and I savour the moments when I can be distracted and feel normal (even tho I know there’s no such thing as normal, pain just shouldn’t be a part of that).

Anyway! I didn’t want to create a post that drags people down, I’m often of the mindset that I don’t want to talk about that side of things because this is the good place where I can do what I love and write to no end about the most random things but a happy go lucky post wouldn’t fit well with reality. Sometimes I have hope and sometimes I don’t, everyday seems to pack a punch and I just wish it were all different. The sense of loss since my diagnosis is immense. I feel it for the past, present and future. I used to think knowing what was wrong would somewhat end it and I’d write poems on here dreaming about the day but it hits hard when that’s not true. I was told it’d be a long journey but each day I figure that out a bit more when I see it and live it for myself.

I LOVE blogging and I signed up to WordPress all those years ago to have somewhere I could both vent and escape into creatively. The people I’ve had the opportunity to speak to on here have helped more than they know and I want beyond belief to keep doing this. Right now I’m crying because of the health stuff I just wrote but I think some of that is because it dawned on me how much I adore this space and the community it holds. Things are very much up and down but I’m trying to keep doing what I enjoy as well as attempt new things when possible. I’m looking forward to sharing posts about fun opportunities that have brightened my days and I know that I’ll get round to doing them (my mind is in it the majority of the time but my body is just like: Let me check that..🤔..NOPE! 🙄🤣).

Life is crazy and I often find myself just laying in a daze saying what even is life!? But life is also beautiful ✨✨✨. I can hear birds tweeting and I just watched rain drops falling onto a ceiling window (caught my attention that bit more as it instantly reminded me of a part in a book I’m reading right now where the author explained the way rain falls so poetically – I’m so glad I’m getting back into reading! 💫), It felt autumnal even tho I’m excited for Summer to get here already 🌞.

I’m OBSESSED with That That by Psy & Suga (BTS just make me so happy in general so I went into that one biased I’ll admit 🤣💜) and although there are loads more things that keep me from feeling completely lost, things that build up and yeah they can feel minimal when I’m at my lowest, my family and friends always stay up top and cheer me up when nothing else can. They tell me I add to their days when I go through times of feeling like all days are just the same and they’re there for me even when I do a fairly good impression of the famous Grumpy Cat 🤣. I would add pictures of the Grumpy Cat to validate that claim but media space on WordPress is a sacred thing I tell you! 2022 will be the year to go premium and it’s silly to say but as fearful as I am about making the jump to that platform, it’s nice to look to the future and think I will do that! I’m sure of it too because ending this blog isn’t an option so I’ll need the extra space 😅 (and yet again I hope I’ve not jinxed my blog by surrounding it with the idea of ending because that’s not going to happen! 💥).

So yeah, that was a total brain dump! These types of posts where I just talk from the top of my head are few and far between but they’re quite therapeutic because I can’t seem to not end anything on a good note I guess! 🤣 I should just write whenever I have a worry because it might end up getting turned into something that makes me feel better.

I’ll see you lot again very soon! Fingers crossed that it’ll be sooner than expected because I want to switch things up around here and not just write on Fridays if on that day at all (Friday doesn’t look so fresh to me anymore 😐😂). Thank you so much for reading this post! 💛 It really does mean a lot and it makes me smile to think that I have this blog at all. Looking back it feels incredibly surreal that I started it in 2016 because I wasn’t to know what it’d mean to me but anywho! I won’t question a good thing 🌟. I hope you all go on to have a lovely day and that in this crazy world (even tho it’s only made crazy by the people that are on it 🌎 eco thoughts be like 👈🤣) you know that you’re not alone. You can be surrounded and feel at a loss, you can physically be on your own where you are and it’ll be easy to believe it but you’re never truly alone. Every life has a purpose and maybe it’s just difficult to see your own at times because there’s no indication of it out there, it’s waiting to be created by you! ✨✍️

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