Saturday was the most difficult day I’ve had so far in isolation. Up until then I thought I was handling things well because being confined to the house is what I’m used to when I’m unwell but I neglected one important fact: usually when I’m at home everyone is out doing their own thing but in isolation we are all home and that’s a HUGE difference 😂
Things got on top of me externally which led me to feel like I was internally imploding 💥 I’m not worrying about the situation that’s going on with the virus, my thought process is that all we can do is isolate and wash our hands alongside everything else we are told to do. Right now I can’t fear something when I’m doing all I can in order to make it go away if that makes sense? 🙈 I wrote a bit more about that in my rant about the Coronavirus here.
I’ve kinda got a habit of unintentionally distancing myself from all of the bad emotions in my mind so sometimes when it builds up and I’m feeling sad or anxious I don’t really know what I’m worrying about. My mind is so often numb which I have been told is a coping mechanism for my chronic pain so when people ask me what’s wrong and I say that I don’t know it’s because I really haven’t got a clue.
The situation that we are in was bound to get to me sooner or later. The other day ended in tears, things were piling up around me and I felt an obligation to be on top of it all but at the same time I felt so low that I couldn’t really do anything. Not even pick up my phone because lately notifications have been through the roof. It’s a strange feeling to explain.
Some people I know that are usually busy have the time to associate with me now from far away and maybe I just can’t handle that but at this point in time it feels like it’s almost expected of me because I’m seen as the one that is somewhat used to being at home with my chronic illness and I must always have the time to give them + be in possession of a secret in order to get through it when really you just get used to it 🤷 When we live through it, we grow through it 💫😂 The weird thing is that I’m looking forward to being able to go out to the same extent as I usually am when I’m unwell as this just feels like an extension of that 😵
This is a different kind of burnout than what is expected of people in isolation because I’m fine with the not going out part 😂 (unless it’s in the garden! 🍃). Anyway, I felt very low and I don’t know if it was because of the migraine medication I’m on that I was aware had this effect on me before the virus came along but I kinda forgot and was trudging onwards as I’d halved it and thought that had helped (as it sure is helping with the worst of the pain! 😄).
I’m feeling okay now, I think I just needed to accept that day for what it was and release those emotions in my own way before getting back to doing the things I’ve been up to in isolation!
I felt like I’ve been sharing the positive side of things for so long if only to bring spirits up that I had to write this for everyone that’s not dealing with this well. Like my recent post on why negative reviews are important too I wanted to pay homage to my own thoughts and show how a negative day can turn into a positive action when it is related to because then we know we’re not alone ✨
Thank you for reading this collection of thoughts 😊 How are you doing? ❤️❤️ I hope you have a lovely day ✨