A Touch of Reality: Living with an Undiagnosed Chronic Illness

There are days when all I want to do is cry and other’s when an invisible force is stopping me from even doing that. It’s one of the ways of coping with my undiagnosed chronic illness (I always just put the link as it’s too hard to go over it all again). The migraine/fatigue side of it is constant and I wish I knew why it’s happening + could find some relief from it. I hold on to the moments that I can but they soon leave me.

The pain is debilitating and undescribable. I’m often unable to talk/move through no choice of my own and I’ve been told that if I were to be subjected to level upon level of torture I’d be able to tolerate it because I’m so used to it and have a high pain threshold whereas most wouldn’t be able to put up with it but just because I can doesn’t mean I should have to. No one should and it’s taken me this long to count myself in that and realize it.

There is no break from it, it’s always there on a various level and resting/pacing seems to be the only way through but I don’t want to rest, I want to live life even if I don’t know what that is as I’m so cut off from it and fearful of it the longer I’m away. It’s so easy to lose hope in things ever changing after all these years, my life is at a standstill and I don’t know what to do next. I used to think that there was a way around everything but it’s gotten to the point where I feel like I have exhausted my options.

I thought I’d share this with you like I used to be able to on here as otherwise this whole thing just feels fake. This is a touch of reality. I might not write about it much but it’s still happening and there comes a time when I just have to let it out.

I want to be able to let others in similar situations know that they are never alone. I think it should be acknowledged that there are people out there like myself who haven’t been told yet what is wrong with their health and feel like they have been cast aside living in fear of their own bodies and what will happen next.

Life’s not all sunshine and rainbows, for some it’s the complete opposite the majority of the time and its okay to speak out about that as much as it is fine to talk about the good things that are going on too, how else is anybody going to know what you’re going through? I refuse to live in silence (despite my quiet nature 😂) and even if it’s once in a blue moon I am going to write about it when I feel up to it.

It’s difficult to live like this let alone put it into words but it doesn’t stop me from dreaming about how I wish things were and I don’t want whatever you’re going through to stop you from moving towards your goals either as despite the barriers in our way, even if we drift away from hope at times, we just have to know that we can handle it and if we can handle this then we can handle anything (well that was the longest sentence in the world 😌😂).

I tend to search for the positives in things and what I’m learning from this is that I am one tough cookie and not only because of what I have been/am going through but because I’m surrounded by people who build me up and keep me strong when I feel weak, make me somehow feel able to crack a joke when I’m in pain and give me the support I wouldn’t be here without.

My family are my rock as are my friends and I thank every single one of you for helping me along the way, even if it’s just a passing by comment it has kept a smile on my face and shown me that creating this blog was the best decision I have ever made as it has given me a safe space to escape to + focus on whenever need be and to also work hard on ( I appreciate it if you made it this far on a hella long post 😂). How are you feeling today? (happy, sad or in-between: your emotions are valid and you have a right to be feeling them). Take care ❤️

InstagramTwitter & Pinterest (which I am new to! 😄)

Other posts to this series:

Invisible me: living with an undiagnosed chronic illness

It isn’t contagious: living with an chronic illness

Living a half life: living with an undiagnosed chronic illness

A constant reminder: living with an undiagnosed chronic illness

Trigger: living with an undiagnosed chronic illness

A name: living with an undiagnosed chronic illness

Waiting: living with an undiagnosed chronic illness


  1. Thank you so much for writing this blog. When living with an invisible, chronic illness it is easy to feel very alone. Reading your blog and all of the comments made me feel like a part of a strong community. I have had an undiagnosed illness for a year now, and like yours it has been debilitating. Being a teenager with a chronic illness is hard because your peers think serious illnesses are only suffered by adults. They blow off the idea of me having any problems. Even one my good friends told peers that I was faking my symptoms. This has been the hardest time of my life, but I think in the end this will change my outlook on life for the better. To you and everyone with a chronic illness, I wish you a satisfying diagnosis and an amazing life to make up for all of your struggles. You are in my thoughts❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m pleased this brought on a sense of community, it’s definitely needed when you’re going through such a tough time. I am very sorry to hear about that and you’re so right, others often won’t understand unless something similar happens to them whereupon they act like they’re the only one who knows about that sort of thing 🙄. It’s easy for them to walk away from the subject of pain not knowing that it’s not possible for you to do the same.
      In life aside from those you’re truly close to it can be difficult to have people get where you’re coming from and this space created that for me so I hope you continue to find places within the blogosphere that have that. How horrible, In a sense, that “friend” showed you their true colours, you know who to be wary of and that’s their loss. Your symptoms don’t go away just because they don’t believe them so they have no power over the situation. Your power is in the strength you hold everyday, even when you cannot feel it, its building up and you will get through this. My pain has most definitely changed my outlook on life, you have bettered from it by not being at the level of those that do not believe in it. You are also in my thoughts too and I truly wish you the very best in receiving a diagnosis one day.

      These things can take time and as you probably know, different doctors will tell you different things and sometimes try to palm it off as something else so that you will give up and just accept it. Things change over time when you keep going and show that you’re not one to overlook + Its scary to think about but even changing symptoms are a good thing because that might mean they show up in future tests leading to that diagnosis (I try to put a positive spin on everything 😂). You’ve got this! and there are many more people fighting in your corner than you know, wanting for you to get what you deserve. Take care lovely 💞


  2. Thank you for sharing. My mother has also had to deal with chronic illness as long as I can remember. This article she has found helpful and I like to share it with you.😁https://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/questions/living-with-chronic-illness/#?insight[search_id]=8b8a0eec-cebc-4002-8ad5-cc4a168e89f9&insight[search_result_index]=0

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You are so brave for writing about this. I know how hard it must been to go through it. I also created my blog to raise awareness about anxiety. There are so many people who don’t understand invisible illnesses. I’m always here for you. I wish I could take the pain away from you. I’m also lately feeling strange and thinking too much about everything. I’m afraid of life and death so what a way to exist… I think anxiety plays a big rol in that because I feel like I can’t move on in life. We are all in this together okay 💪💕 Love you xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you lovely!! Your support never fails to make me smile ❤️ You’re right, there are so many people who don’t understand invisible illnesses, hopefully we are raising more awareness about that. Much love, thank you for being here ❤️xx

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Aw. Elsie. Being open about reality is really admirable. It’s very easy to paint ourselves online as having a life that is full of sunshine. Many people reading my blog or Facebook posts must think we have this idyllic life and, in many ways, we have so so much to be grateful for. However, I don’t write about significant challenges we face but you’ve shown me that it’s okay to say we’re not okay! Lots of love xx

    Liked by 1 person

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