A constant reminder: Living with an Undiagnosed Chronic Illness

Is there a need

To constantly remind me

That I’m not the same as I used to be

Pain has changed me.

According to you

I’m am not hyper

Anymore

I don’t crack jokes

Anymore

I don’t remember the me I was before.

Can’t you see that in all this madness

I am stronger now

I am less shy now

I can speak back to you like this now

Yes I am alive

But that part of me is dead now.

Hi everyone! How are you? I wrote this after a bout of remembering times when people have told me I used to be different before my pain. Pain obviously changes you as a person but it’s not an easy thing to accept when people say the things that have changed in you were good thinks like: being more jokey or able to do more than one thing in a day without being too tired for anything else. I always try my best to focus only on the things that have changed for the better, like feeling stronger than before through experience and growth. I know it upsets some who feel the need to bring it up as they see me in this pain and can do no more than I can to change it. We are weak compared to the change placed upon us but in turn with time have learnt to accept it’s hidden benfefit of never wanting to give up. It is not right to not know what is going on inside you. That part of me is dead but that doesn’t mean I don’t try to find her every day and remind myself to remember that one day I will take back that part of me that was stolen so as to both feel like me again and end this constant reminder.

Thank you for reading! 😉💗 Have a lovely day! 

This is a scheduled post as I am on holiday which you can read more about HERE

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