What’s wrong?

Why can’t I be okay when I’m quiet?

Not down because I’m opposite

Of how you like to see me act?

Because sometimes that’s all it is

An act.

Well maybe

When I’m talking

And laughing 

And smiling

I’m not okay.

Maybe the quiet is what I need

What makes me happy

From time to time

What makes me smile.

It doesn’t have to mean something’s wrong

I could hide behind a smile

Pain hides behind both ends.

I know I can be sad in silence too 

But my quietness is never fake

The reasons can be hard to read.

It’s just a rest from the pretence.

You say I have a right to be down

Sending me mixed emotions

It makes me sink deeper into what you don’t want. 

Hi everyone! How are you today? I wrote this when I was feeling upset after a bout of being asked “what’s wrong?” when nothing was wrong. On the majority of these occasions I would feel unwell and I do go quiet when I feel sick but when I answer with “nothing I just don’t feel well” the reply is “oh you look down”…..of course I bloody look down! I don’t feel well! πŸ˜‚ Sometimes I don’t have the energy to put on a front when I’m in pain and it’s taken in a way that upsets me because I may look down but I’m not (if you get what I’m saying? πŸ˜‚) I’m trying to keep in a positive attitude whilst my pain is uncontrollable but I get reminded that I don’t look sick I look sad which is sometimes the case and it’s like the people who ask rejoice when I answer with “yes I feel down” as it’s something that can almost be handled or understood unlike my pain. I don’t know if I’m making any sense but I feel better for writing this 😊

Thank you for reading! πŸ˜‰πŸ’— Have a lovely day!

This is a scheduled post as I am on holiday which you can read more about HERE

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