Hi everyone! How are you? Today I thought I would share with you something I wrote about how it feels to live with an undiagnosed chronic illness. Its one of the many parts that comes along with it: waiting. Waiting to be told what is happening inside you/waiting for it to develop so a name can be put to the excruciating pain you feel. Waiting with nothing to help you get through the hurt..no medicine, not really believing the people who say they believe you. Not knowing if what you have will kill you or your next flare up will leave you crying on a hospital ward. Feeling as invisible as the pain is to those who don’t know you so don’t see you at your worst. I was nervous to write this so I hope it in some small way sheds a light on what it is like to live with it (all undiagnosed chronic pain symptoms are different so the invisible aspect may not apply to all).
Is how you feel when they cannot give you
A name to explain the pain.
Doubtful looks are cast upon you
As you are made to feel disgusting
to name but a few
As you wait and wait and wait.
Fearful of the unknown
You feel as if you are slowly but surely dying.
“It is not real as it cannot be seen, might as well be a dream”
As the pain eats away at you
Nothing to take for it
Nothing to heal it
Crying is not a choice
All tears were used up last night
When you couldn’t move
When you felt like your brain was on fire.
You wait and wait
It doesn’t matter that it’s physical
It doesn’t matter that it can result in mental,
It always does.
Because it is all invisible,
It doesn’t matter that scars may show within you
They can’t be explained yet.
For years and years
It seems like a half life
You wait for those words
That will save you or at least help you cope
They will bring a cure if any
Put a safe end to your misery
“You have:……….and this is what we are going to do”
Until then we wait.
I don’t know what to say now 🙄😂 I feel good for writing this as I want my blog to be of help and I hope in some way it can be, even if it takes a long time to get the words out 🙂
Thank you for reading! 😉💗 have a lovely day!