Hi everyone! How are you all? I’m not tricking you, I’m actually blogging about entering a competition 😂 You know how it is, you wake up in the middle of the night and sometimes feel like you can conquer anything. Step over your boundaries, asking yourself why haven’t you done it yet?….Then when you wake up in the morning you think you were delirious. Your answer to your question is “because I’m not good enough, nothing will come of it.my writing is embarrassing”. The other night I thought “so what?! So what if nothing comes of it? Do it! Enter tomorrow!” And then I woke up and surprisingly the motivation sustained as I thought “Last night you believed you could do it. Yes you were half asleep, but you still bookmarked the poetry site on your phone, so you were sane in thinking you could give it a go 😂. So go on! Nothing bad will happen. They can’t get back and say that it’s rubbish, they are busy people (If they do hopefully they say it in a constructive criticism way 😂). You want to, you know you do”….Yes that was the persuasive side of the voice in my head..I was scared of myself for a while there 😂 But then I did the unthinkable, I sent in six of my poems (the maximum amount 😂) to the competition and feel good about it. I feel good in myself for letting go of my mind rambles 😂 somewhat proud because I would never have done this sort of thing last year. I know that millions of people enter competitions and send off their personal writing to other people. But to others, like me, it’s overly personal. You want it to be read and even want to be told if there’s things you could change to improve it, but then something deep inside holds you back and you never press send or post it off or even type/write it out thinking it’s pointless. It’s not pointless, it’s a first step. Usually these “I can do it” moments don’t seep into my day. They stay in the night when everything feels easy and not questionable. But yesterday was different. What is it people are saying about 2017 being the year of change? I think every year is different for everyone. Last year was thousands of peoples year of change. It was mine for stepping out of homeschooling, passing my leaving cert and getting into college, being in a normal setting for once. I think if you want this year to change things it will happen. Something will anyway, after all there are 365 days 😂. I feel like starting from last year my life is moving forward (may sound strange as time doesn’t stop for anyone, but it did pause for a good long while.things have been happening that would have been insanely impossible for me to comprehend 2 years ago). I’m surprising myself by doing things whilst background stuff is still the same (like my health). Back to the poetry competition 😂, I sort of feel like I’ve come first place in a battle against my past self in just entering this thing. I’ll most likely never write about the competition again 😂 but I feel I have a new outlook in doing so. I think that from the inside out, my brain and body have been hurt so much by my ongoing undiagnosed chronic pain that my mind has cut itself off from it all. Like it has become stronger through the pain and had to break away from it so that I could grow through it. That’s the only way I can describe it 😂 I have a positive mindset at the moment, I have days where I feel down but it won’t connect with the pain because I don’t think I would have grown into who I am without it being there. I’m still asking myself how is this topic even blogable 😂 but I feel like writing it down solidifies that entering the competition was the right thing to do. I usually blog about stuff that is snippets of who I am, I only post it when I know it shows even a little bit of me in it, but maybe my personality doesn’t shine through as much as I want it to so this post is a way to show a side of me. A side of me that is growing confidently, thanks to all of you 💗. Maybe one day I will look back on this post and be proud to remember it as one of the posts that I managed to convey how I feel (as much as I can 😂) in words to people that I love being myself (virtually 😂) around.
Thank you for reading! 😉💗 I hope you have a lovely day and find comfort in even the simplest of things 💗
PS. The art I used for this post looks like a bubble that I burst when I entered the competition 😂 Bubbles don’t hurt when they burst. That’s my reason behind it 😂